#VixDoesDating: What’s the Deal with Dudes in NYC?
Men. Love ‘em, hate ‘em… we can all agree there’s something we can learn from them. But, the modern man seems to be broken and in this new content series, I’m going to pull out my inner Carrie Bradshaw (and a little Samantha Jones) and see if we can figure out what’s up with dudes in NYC.
I’m a 29-year-old, single, cisgender, heterosexual female.
And that means, like everyone else my age regardless of their sexual orientation, I date online.
Dating online is something I’ve been dabbling in since I broke up with my college boyfriend… the first time.
When we’re young and in college, prospective partners are everywhere. Literally. The library, the quad, the bar, house parties -- you name it, if you’re out and about, there are dudes looking for you.
I have a LOT of fabulous homosexual friends -- mostly, men who are crushing it in NYC. Like CRUSHING it. They are the Will to my Grace, the Robin Williams in my Birdcage, the Mario to my Charlotte. No, I do not see gay men as an accessory (they’d literally chew me out if I did) but I DO find their relationships fascinating.
Lessons, in my opinion, are best learned by doing and observing (maybe that’s why guys watch so much porn?) -- and by watching my gay best friends in their relationships with partners for any length of time, I’ve learned some things.
Men With Too Many Choices Continue to Swipe
This is the biggest issue with dating in NYC and women are guilty of it too. We’re always swiping, super swiping and liking -- even when we’re “talking to” (a topic for another blog, seriously) a person we really like, we don’t stop swiping.
And that’s not necessarily a good thing. If we’re always swiping for the next best thing, when will we actually land on the greatest thing?
Fulfillment is a Daily Practice, An Act of Self Rebellion
Men in NYC often think women are looking for them to “complete” them -- it goes both ways. I’ve had guys be really into me because I have a full life, stable business and know where I’m going. I’ve also had them tell me I’m “too busy” to date. Eff you, bro -- you don’t manage my calendar, I DO and it’s not about when I’ll spend time with you, it’s about YOU giving me a reason to want to clear my calendar for you.
The pro-tip I learned here from watching men? They are very vocal about when they’re busy and what their needs are. It can backfire but it is very important to remember that if someone doesn’t appreciate your hustle, they have no business getting to experience all that you are.
It All Boils Down to One Thing
Instant gratification. HA! I probably had you thinking this last point would be about S E X. There’s plenty more on SEX to come -- it’s a basic human need and we all suffer if we’re not getting enough lovin’ -- but the “deal” with dudes and dating in NYC (and, probably, all major cities), is that it’s about the instant gratification. Tinder, Grindr, all of these things are about on-demand gratification for whatever you’re seeking -- conversation, cuddling, sex itself -- relationships are as on-demand as Sushi, Netflix and Pizza… how can a true connection form when that takes time and every element of it is available at the click of a button?
So what’s the answer? What IS the deal with dudes in NYC? It’s the same deal as women in NYC -- we’re all looking for someone to make us clear our calendar and take time out of our full lives, lives we’ve built, lives we’re proud of, lives we want to share.
More on #VixDoesDating soon… this topic is one I’m passionate about and more “real” than I’ve ever been online so be gentle!